May 12, 2021

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There’s no more worrisome conspiracy theorist than old man winter (what is it with old white men anyways?), who way back last fall started knocking on doors spreading the rumor that summer never existed and that if spring ever did show up it would be illegitimate because, as the story goes, its warmth eats baby ice pellets and then, like a vampire studded with buds, joyously slurps up whatever water remains. And when the few nice days stand up to this nonsense, the old man shows up howling, rallying the troops showering them with snow flurries, to kick them outta here. But my weatherman, yes that guy, is telling me today not to believe in this Big Lie, and that by the end of today “we will be in the 60’s!” And once spring finally gets here for good, and make no mistake people the rules of nature says it will, I think everyone will just move on and be happy. We’re gonna be in the sixtie’s man!